Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Fuck

I'll use swears however i want to. If i want to say, "Fuck off" I shall say, fuck off.

I have found out I have a real problem with people trying to control my language. I'm particularly loquacious, and when someone tries to stopper my expression, it bothers me to no end. If i say, "Paint her face blue and white, and then add a big ass scar." thats what i mean. Trying to alter the adjective takes away my ability to express myself, because instead of using the term that i think adequately describes the scar, I have to rethink my entire system of size, avoiding words that do the scar justice.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not dependent on foul language. My vocabulary is quite sufficient without the use of curses and such. Thats what makes their usage so efficient and important. When i choose to use a cuss word, then i have chosen it for a very specific reason. For instance, When I am chumming about with my mates, if i happen to call on of them a "Pickled Cunt-Knuckle", I did so for either two reasons. One, they did something of colossal stupidity, and deserve to reprimanded in an equally spectacular manner. Or two, I did so jokingly, and, using such provocative language, encourage a laugh or two. Replacing the word, "Cunt" with "Silly" renders the joke humourless, and unintelligible.

I'm going to branch off the main topic a little in this last paragraph, so hold on to your thinking caps. What bothers me the most about people trying to deny the usage of foul language, is that they dislike the word, simply because it is considered a "swear." The don't look at the context in which it's used, simply that it has been said. If my friend makes me squirt apple juice out of my nose, by telling a hilarious story, and i proceed to say, with a smile on my face, "Bitch!", should the use of that word be deemed taboo? I'm using it to express my surprise, awe and respect for the situation, and my friend. That seems to be perfectly harmless. Lets flip the table. I run at one of these people, who disagree with the use of unpleasant language, with a large knife while screaming, "SUNFLOWER!!!!" Even though this is an innocent word, it is filled with malice. Should the word "sunflower" be associated with genocide, torture, and starving children simply because of the emotion it is said with? Replace "Sunflower" with any other word, it's the emotion and the intent of the word, not the word itself, when dealing with adjectives and adverbs.

Hopefully that made sense. Btw, if your offended by this language, stop reading. Its not that tough. To emphasize this point, FUCK COCK MOTHERFUCKER SHITFACE DICKHEAEDED BITCHWHORE GIRL ORANGE ORANGE BANANA HEADPHONE EXPLOSION!!!!! If you just read that to the end, you obviously see that i don't need swears to be angry, but if you stopped at the swears, then who will never know. You also won't be reading this. Muahahaha.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

SERIOUS ALERT

We don't fit. It's simple. It's painful. It's true.

You learn as you go through life. Every experience is another lesson. And every mistake you make, you learn. Hard as it may be, you must bear every bit of pain, and walk away alive. That is life. Every action has it's consequence, and all of the consequences must be borne.

I broke up with a girl in edmonton. We don't fit. We don't, it's a simple fact.

She showed me love. If you go through life, picturing yourself as a funny guy, devoid of attraction, and someone shows you love, you assume its a sign. You jump at that person, filled with hope and excitement, that finally, you have that completing piece of the puzzle. Little do you know, it's not about love its self, but the person who is giving it. Love is a byproduct of a person. Not the end goal.

I have to justify being a bastard. But, no matter how disgusting or ignoble I seem to the girl, I must follow through. Because, to lie to her is the worse of two evils. Better i leave her heart bruised, then shatter it a year down the lane.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

How young am I?

If i play my cards right, I can be a wild youth till i'm 30. Seeing as I began partying 2 years ago, that means out of a potential 15 wild years, I still have 13 years of them. Pow, I am young and far too concerned with myself. I should accept that at 17, I have an explosive amount of potential, yet absolutely no training. Therefore, the best path that I can currently see, is the either, A) Blindly create with an extreme disregard for what my head tells me is garbage, or B) Hold this creativity close to my heart, so that the day i have a ravine of my river of creative thought, it shall flow like no tomorrow.

Seeing as apathy and self-concern is too overpowering at the present time, option B seems to be the most feasible. However, I am once again not factoring in the fact that i am stupidly young. In 5 years, I'll have a crap load of training, yet, hopefully, I'll still have most of, if not more, of the creative thoughts.

Right now, I'm seeing talent explode around me, and it concerns me. I see fireworks, which burst forth into the world with brilliance. It frightens me, feeling like I am no firework, and therefor no artist, no creator. It is my deepest hope and wish, that i am instead a candle. Something that will go on and on into the world, with a sustaining light, that guides others.

So, in short, I will not let my sloth disturb me. I am not lazy, because of apathy. I am timid, because of fear of impotence. The system has ingrained such fear of technical correctness, that any and all attempts to do something in innocence, and ernest, are hampered considerably.

I feel like I'm mumbling in lofty ideological terms. But you know what? I like using lofty ideological terms. It gives my petty thoughts a feeling of grandeur unbecoming of their position in life. I think thats what being an actor is all about.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Direction and Musing

Nostalgia. I'm not a fan of it. That, and pointless longing. Both of them are basically say, "This fact can't change, but lets waste words talking about it" Whenever i find myself facing overwhelming amounts of these two, I feel the need to change the subject. I just don't like wasting my emotions on irrefutable facts.

I also like the direction this blog is taking. No real pressure to post, just thoughts and ideas. Which is what it should be.